What I’ve learned during 4 months of celibacy
Most of my life I relied on another person to give me pleasure. Once I started my tantric journey, I learned about self-pleasuring, self-love and beautiful masturbation practices, that made my body come to life without anyone else’s help. Over time, and regular self-pleasuring practice, I learned that what I have been looking for elsewhere for so long, I was able to give it to myself, anytime, anywhere, and without fantasy or porn.
In early 2017 I got involved with a super conscious men, who met me exactly where I was at. We had a beautiful connection, and I was sad to see him go. To my surprise, after this amazing man, another one on the same calibre came along shortly after. After experiencing this ‘next level’ of intimacy and conscious connections with two wonderful human beings, I realised that it would take a lot more to be intimate with another person, since I had learned what else is possible in an intimate connection with a partner, and the different levels and layers of pleasure! But this post is not about another person. It is about my experience without sex for 4 months in 2017.
After returning from overseas and leaving Mr. Amazing #2 behind, I began to focus my attention on my business offerings (workshops, clients), and spending quality time with friends. I decided that dating wasn’t a priority in my life at that point, and the fact that I was able to give myself so much love and pleasure whenever I wanted was easy to keep the distractions aside.
In the past, I have always been involved with another person, for different reasons, but mainly because I believed that in order to be happy, I needed another person.
Fortunately that belief is in the past, and here is what I learned in these 4 months of self-sourcing.
1. I can (and do) love myself deeply
Self-loving practice is just that… a practice that gets better every day. I can self-love, or self- pleasure. Sometimes I masturbate, and focus on orgasms (not recommended). But the important thing here is that I am able to give myself love, nurturing touch, and pleasure. I can choose the place and time, and I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to do
2. I am enough
I don’t need another person to make me happy. I have all the resources I need to be happy. Being with another person is the cherry on top of the cake; just a bonus. If I want to be with another person, it is for the right reasons, and not out of neediness/loneliness/etc.
3. More time to focus on things that matter
Relationships take time an effort, even if it is just a swipe on tinder or a casual date. Since I was not seeing anyone, nor had any romantic interest during the 4 month period, I was able to focus all my time and energy on other things that matter in my life, such as friendships, business development, reading great books and attending events
4. I am more than just a good looking body
Men still approached me and invited me to go out on dates. I learned to speak my truth and expressed that I was not on ‘dating mode’, as I was focusing on my business and other things. Interestingly enough, men did not lose interest in me. They respected my choice to be celibate and single, and I managed to make a few new friendships this way.
5. I can count on my friends
Whenever I needed support, or assistance with practical things, I reached out to friends, who were usually available and happy to give me a hand. Sometimes when I felt down, or needy, all I had to do was to message friends and someone was always available to cheer me up, or even to give me a cuddle.
It was such a joyful experience to learn that different people in my life can give me what I used to expect from partners in the past.
I did not make a conscious decision to become celibate for 4 months. It just happened… I said I was only going to be intimate with another person only when I felt that my body was ready. One day the starts aligned, and my yoni spoke to me. It said “the temple gates are now open”. In other words, My body was open to connect whenever the right person appears. I met a man at a training I attended, and I my entire being felt safe in his presence. I surrendered to the experience and allowed this man to make love to me. He honoured my boundaries and worshiped my body. It was the perfect way to break the celibacy “spell”. We had a beautiful time together during the training, then we went our separate ways.
Since breaking my 4 month celibacy spell, I have engaged with other men. Interestingly, all my interactions have come from a place of wholeness, and I have been attracting the type of men I could only dream of n the past. Learning to self-source my own pleasure and love has opened a new door of opportunity for connections in my life. The people I engage with these days are exactly the type of people I want to spend time with. There is no more clinging. No more neediness. No more crossing boundaries. My relationships are deep, profound and very conscious. I have come home to myself and I am now able to relate intimately with another without any hang-ups.
If you have a history of attracting the wrong partner in your life, take a break. As Sofia Sundari and Laura Deva have mentioned in the past : have a relationship fast.
Take a break. Learn to self-source. Come home to yourself.